Invitation wording is one of the few wedding decisions with no undo button. Once 120 cards come back from the printer with your mother’s name spelled Katherine instead of Kathryn, or with “4:30 PM” sitting in the middle of an otherwise formal card, you are either reprinting or living with it.

The good news is that wording follows a formula. Five lines, in a fixed order, with settled rules for each. Once you know it, the only real work is deciding which version fits your family and the kind of wedding you are having.

This guide walks through each line, gives you wording you can lift and adapt, and flags what couples get wrong most often. First, the calendar: invitations go out six to eight weeks before the wedding, and save the dates go much earlier. Full timing below.

The five lines every invitation has

Every wedding invitation, formal or casual, answers five questions in the same order:

• Host line. Who is inviting you.

• Request line. The invitation itself.

• Names. Who is getting married.

• Date, time, and place.

• Reception line. What happens after the ceremony?

Notice what is missing. RSVP instructions, dress code, your wedding website, and directions all live on a separate enclosure card, not on the invitation. The Emily Post Institute has held that line for a century, for a practical reason: an invitation crowded with logistics stops looking like an invitation.

When to send your wedding invitations

Timing is the part couples underestimate, and the one mistake that costs you guests rather than just money. Three dates matter.

Save the dates: six to eight months before

Send save the dates six to eight months ahead, or eight to twelve for a destination wedding or a holiday weekend. Guests need that runway to book flights, request time off, and arrange childcare.

One rule catches people out: anyone who receives a save the date must receive an invitation. There is no polite way to un-invite someone, so keep your B-list off that mailing entirely.

Invitations: six to eight weeks before

Six to eight weeks is standard domestically. Push to eight or ten if many guests are traveling, if the date falls near a holiday weekend, or if the venue sits in a town with limited lodging. Earlier is not automatically better: invitations landing four months out get set aside, and the reply card goes with them.

The RSVP deadline: three to four weeks before

Work backwards from your caterer’s headcount deadline, then add a buffer for the guests who will not reply on time. A wedding on Saturday, November 14, 2026 would set an RSVP deadline of Saturday, October 17, exactly four weeks earlier, leaving two weeks to chase stragglers.

Line one: who is hosting

The host line is the first thing guests read and the line couples agonize over longest, because it is less a grammar question than a family one. Traditionally the host is whoever is paying, though most couples now treat it as a way to honor people rather than as a receipt. Either is defensible; what matters is deciding on purpose.

The bride’s parents are hosting

Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Whitfield Ellery

request the honour of your presence

at the marriage of their daughter

Caroline Grace

to

Mr. Daniel James Okafor

Caroline has no surname here, and that is deliberate. If the bride shares her parents’ last name, only her first and middle names are used, because the surname already appears on the host line. The groom’s name is given in full with a title. Emily Post’s formal wording guide sets out the same convention.

Both sets of parents are hosting

Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Whitfield Ellery

and

Mr. and Mrs. Chidi Okafor

request the honour of your presence

at the marriage of

Caroline Grace Ellery

and

Daniel James Okafor

When both families host, the bride’s surname goes back in, because the invitation is no longer issued by her family alone.

The couple is hosting

Together with their families

Caroline Grace Ellery

and

Daniel James Okafor

request the pleasure of your company

at their marriage

“Together with their families” is the workhorse phrase of modern invitations. It acknowledges parents without listing them, which quietly solves blended families, four names that will not fit, and the awkwardness of naming one set but not the other. If your parents are not involved, drop the line and open with your names.

Same-sex couples

Nothing structural changes. The five lines stay the same, and the only real decision is name order, since the traditional bride-first rule has nothing to say here.

Together with their families

Rebecca Anne Lindqvist

and

Priya Ramanathan

request the pleasure of your company

at their marriage

Most couples order names alphabetically, by whose family is hosting, or by which sounds better aloud. If one set of parents hosts, that partner’s name comes first. One note: “at their marriage” and “and” sit better than the traditional “to,” which carries the older sense of one family presenting a daughter.

The bride’s parents are divorced

The mother’s name goes first, on its own line. Do not join divorced parents with “and.”

Mrs. Kathryn Ellery

Mr. Thomas Whitfield Ellery

request the honour of your presence

at the marriage of their daughter

Caroline Grace

Two names, two lines, no conjunction. That is the entire convention, and it does a lot of work: it reads as two people jointly inviting you, without implying they are a couple.

A parent has remarried

If a parent has remarried and the stepparent is hosting, or you simply want to honor them, include them on that parent’s line.

Mr. and Mrs. Raymond Cardoza

Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Whitfield Ellery

request the honour of your presence

at the marriage of their daughter

Caroline Grace Ellery

The bride’s surname reappears because it no longer matches the first host line. If four parent names crowd the card, or the arrangement will cause more friction than it resolves, “Together with their families” is a graceful way out. It is not a cop-out. For blended families it is often the most gracious option available.

Honoring a parent who has died

Someone who has died cannot issue an invitation, so a late parent does not belong in the host line. The convention is a phrase in the couple’s line:

Caroline Grace Ellery

daughter of Mrs. Kathryn Ellery

and the late Mr. Thomas Whitfield Ellery

or, more warmly, a mention in the ceremony program or on a small memorial card tucked into the suite.

Line two: honour or pleasure

This is the most common wording mistake, and one of the easiest to get right.

Use “request the honour of your presence” when the ceremony is in a house of worship: church, synagogue, temple, or mosque. Use “request the pleasure of your company” everywhere else, including hotels, barns, vineyards, backyards, city halls, and beaches.

On formal invitations, honour takes the British spelling, with the u, as does “the favour of a reply” on the response card. Hold one convention across the whole suite: honour on the invitation and favor on the reply card reads as a typo rather than a choice. Emily Post’s sample invitations use the British spelling throughout.

If your wedding is not formal, skip both phrases. “invite you to celebrate with them” is correct and sits far better on a card that was never formal to begin with.

Line three: names

A handful of rules trip couples up here:

• Middle names are spelled out on formal invitations. Titles such as Mr. and Mrs. stay abbreviated. Doctor is spelled out, unless doing so makes the line too long to fit.

• The bride’s name traditionally comes first. Anyone who would rather not follow that order can list names alphabetically or by whose family is hosting.

• “to” versus “and.” When the bride’s family hosts, she is presented to her partner: “their daughter Caroline Grace to Mr. Daniel James Okafor.” When both families or the couple host, use “and.” Match it to your host line.

Military titles

If either of you serves, or a parent does, rank belongs on the invitation and the placement rules are specific.

For senior officers, the title sits on the same line as the name, with the branch spelled out on the line below:

Commander Sarah Nkemelu

United States Navy

For junior officers, the name comes first and the rank follows on the second line:

Daniel James Okafor

Lieutenant, United States Air Force

Titles are never abbreviated and the branch is spelled out in full: United States Marine Corps, not USMC. First and second lieutenants both appear simply as “Lieutenant,” because a numeral has no place on a formal card. Retired officers keep their title, with “Retired” after the branch line. Enlisted personnel traditionally omit rank. Emily Post’s guide to military forms of address covers conversational forms.

One honest caveat: sources disagree on exactly where the senior and junior threshold falls, and the disagreement is wider than most guides admit. The US Navy’s own Social Usage and Protocol Handbook places it at Commander or Lieutenant Colonel and above, which is pay grade O-5, with Lieutenant Commander, Major and below taking the name-first format. Forms of Address, drawing on protocol specialists at the Protocol School of Washington, notes that historically rank was used only from O-3 upward. Several contemporary stationery guides split the difference and set the line at O-4. None of the three is a misprint.

If the distinction matters to the person being named, ask them. Service members know how their own rank should appear, and asking is far less awkward than guessing wrong in print.

Line four: date, time, and place

On a formal invitation, everything is spelled out. No numerals anywhere on the card.

Saturday, the fourteenth of November

two thousand twenty-six

at half after four o’clock

Grace Episcopal Church

Charleston, South Carolina

The details couples get wrong:

• No “and” in the year. It is “two thousand twenty-six,” not “two thousand and twenty-six.”

• The day and month are capitalized; the year is not.

• Use “half after,” not “half past” and not “four-thirty.”

• “in the afternoon” and “in the evening” are unnecessary unless the hour is genuinely ambiguous, such as an eight o’clock ceremony.

• Street addresses are usually omitted. Venue name, city, and state is enough; the full address goes on the details card.

• Do not abbreviate the state. South Carolina, not SC.

• Check the weekday against a calendar. Proofreaders catch spelling. They rarely catch a Saturday that is really a Sunday.

Line five: the reception

If the reception follows at the same venue, one line handles it:

Reception to follow

If it is elsewhere, name the place:

Reception to follow at

The Willow Room

Charleston, South Carolina

If there is a real gap between ceremony and reception, say so plainly. “Dinner and dancing to follow at seven o’clock” spares guests three unexplained hours and spares you the group text asking what to do in between. Most matching invitation sets include a reception or details card for exactly this, which keeps the invitation uncluttered.

What belongs on the enclosure card instead

The invitation stays clean. Everything logistical moves to a details or reply card:

• RSVP instructions and deadline

• Wedding website

• Directions, parking, and hotel blocks

• Dress code

• Adults-only wording

• Shuttle or transportation times

RSVP wording

Set the deadline three to four weeks before the wedding, leaving time to chase stragglers before your caterer needs a headcount.

Formal:

The favour of a reply is requested

before the seventeenth of October

Casual:

Kindly reply by October 17

at ellery-okafor.com

Give guests one method, not two. A paper RSVP card and an online RSVP running side by side produces duplicate responses, missing ones, and a spreadsheet you will grow to resent. Reply cards also each need their own stamp, a line item couples routinely forget.

Dress code

Dress code sits in the lower right corner of the reception card, or on the details card. Two or three words is enough.

• Black tie. Tuxedos and floor-length gowns. Use it only if you mean it.

• Black tie optional, or formal attire. Tuxedo welcome, dark suit perfectly fine.

• Cocktail attire. Suits and shorter dresses.

• Garden party or festive attire. Useful outdoors, where you would rather not have a sea of black.

If you have no dress code, say nothing. A blank space tells guests to follow the formality of the invitation, and they read that signal more accurately than most couples expect.

One practical note worth more than any dress code line: if your ceremony is on grass, sand, or gravel, put it on the details card. “Ceremony on the lawn” saves a dozen guests from ruined heels.

Registry information

Never on the invitation, and never on an enclosure card either. Registry details belong on your wedding website and in the mouths of your parents and wedding party when guests ask, which they will.

How to address the envelopes

Addressing is where the etiquette gets fussiest, and where couples accidentally invite four extra people. The envelope is not a decoration. It is the document that says exactly who is invited.

Outer and inner envelopes

Formal suites use two. The outer envelope carries the mailing address and full formal names. The inner envelope, unsealed and tucked inside, names precisely who is invited, and informal names are fine there.

Outer:  Mr. and Mrs. Daniel Okafor

Inner:  Mr. and Mrs. Okafor

or simply:  Daniel and Caroline

Inner envelopes are optional and plenty of modern suites skip them. Skip them and you lose the neatest tool for signaling who is not invited, so you will need to be explicit elsewhere.

Titles and names

On the outer envelope, spell everything out. No abbreviated street names, no state abbreviations, no shortened first names. An unmarried couple living together gets both full names on one envelope.

• Married couple, shared surname: Mr. and Mrs. Daniel Okafor, or the now common Mr. Daniel Okafor and Mrs. Caroline Okafor.

• Married couple, different surnames: both full names, on one line or two. Alphabetical, or the person you know better first.

• A professional title: use it, spelled out. Doctor Priya Ramanathan.

• A single guest: Ms., Mr., or Mx. plus their full name.

Plus ones and children

This is the part that decides your headcount. A plus one is granted on the envelope, not in conversation. If you are extending one, write it in:

Ms. Rebecca Lindqvist and Guest

That said, “and Guest” is impersonal. If you know the partner’s name, use it. Name children too, by first name beneath the parents on the inner envelope:

Mr. and Mrs. Okafor

Ellis and Rosalind

If children are not invited, their names are simply absent. Most guests read that correctly; not all will, so back it up with a line on your details card or website. It is not rude to be clear. It is rude to let a family arrive with a four-year-old and no seat.

Before you mail

Weigh a fully assembled suite at the post office before buying stamps. Wedding invitations routinely trigger the USPS non-machinable surcharge, which applies to square envelopes, rigid cardstock, wax seals, and ribbon, and hits squares regardless of weight. As of July 2026 rates, USPS lists standard rectangular envelope stamps from $0.82 and square or oversized ones from $1.31. Across 150 invitations that is real money, so confirm rates before ordering.

If your wedding is not formal

Formal wording exists for formal weddings. Applied to a Sunday afternoon backyard ceremony, it makes the invitation feel borrowed from someone else’s day. Casual wording keeps the same five lines and relaxes everything else:

Caroline and Daniel are getting married

and they would love for you to be there

Saturday, November 14, 2026

at four thirty in the afternoon

21 Marsh Lane, Charleston, South Carolina

Dinner, dancing, and a very long night to follow

Numerals are fine. First names are fine. Contractions are fine. The only rules worth keeping are the ones that stop guests being confused: who is hosting, what the event is, when and where, and how to reply. Browsing modern wedding invitation templates shows how far you can relax the formula while keeping the card readable.

Before it goes to print

Read the whole card aloud. Wording errors survive four silent proofreads and fall apart the moment you hear them. 

Then check:

• Every name spelled the way that person spells it, middle names included

• The weekday matches the calendar date

• Honour and favour consistent across the suite, or American spellings across the suite

• The year written without “and”

• No numerals on a formal card, and the venue named is the ceremony venue

• The RSVP date falls three to four weeks out, with one reply method, not two

• Nothing about registries anywhere in the suite

Then hand it to someone outside your family. They will catch what you have stopped being able to see.

Key Takeaways

• “Together with their families” acknowledges parents without listing them, which resolves most blended-family host lines in five words.

• “The honour of your presence” belongs on invitations for a ceremony in a house of worship, and “the pleasure of your company” covers every other venue.

• Nothing appears as a numeral on a formal card, the year is written without “and,” and four thirty becomes “half after four o’clock.”

• Mail invitations six to eight weeks before the wedding, or eight to ten weeks when a large share of guests are travelling.

• Divorced parents sit on separate lines with no conjunction between them, since “and” reads as a married couple.

• Registry information appears nowhere in the suite, not on the invitation and not on any enclosure card.

Frequently Asked Questions

When should wedding invitations be sent?

Mail invitations six to eight weeks before the wedding, or eight to ten if many guests are traveling or the date falls near a holiday weekend. Save the dates go out much earlier, six to eight months ahead. Set your RSVP deadline three to four weeks before the wedding.

How do you address wedding invitations?

Use full names and titles on the outer envelope, spelled out rather than abbreviated, with no shortened street names or state abbreviations. The inner envelope, if you use one, lists exactly who is invited by name. Omission is how you signal that children or plus ones are not included.

What is proper etiquette for wedding invitations?

Proper etiquette means the invitation is issued by the host, names are spelled in full, and the date and time are spelled out on formal cards. Everything logistical belongs on a separate enclosure card, and registry information appears nowhere in the suite.

What should I write in a wedding invite message?

Five things: who is hosting, the invitation itself, both names, the date, time and place, and what follows the ceremony. Anything beyond that belongs on an enclosure card. Casual weddings can relax the phrasing, but those five pieces still have to be there.

What is the best invitation wording?

There is no single best wording. The right wording matches who is hosting and how formal the wedding is. A church ceremony hosted by the bride’s parents calls for traditional phrasing, while a backyard ceremony hosted by the couple reads better in plain language.

Do you have to list your parents on the invitation?

No. The host line traditionally names whoever is paying, but many couples now use it to honor people instead. If you are hosting yourselves, “Together with their families” acknowledges parents without listing them. If they are not involved, open directly with your own names.

Can the dress code go on the invitation itself?

Traditionally no. Dress code belongs in the lower right corner of the reception card, or on the details card or wedding website. The formality of the invitation already signals what to wear, and guests read that signal more accurately than couples expect.

What is the difference between “the honor of your presence” and “the pleasure of your company”?

Use “the honour of your presence” when the ceremony is in a house of worship, and “the pleasure of your company” everywhere else. On formal invitations honour takes the British spelling, as does “the favour of a reply.” Keep the spelling consistent across the whole suite.

Ready to word your own?

Once you know which of the five lines applies to your family, the rest is design. Browse our wedding invitation and stationery templates to customize wording, fonts, and layout, then download print-ready files. Every template is editable, so you can drop in the exact wording from this guide and see how it sits before committing to 120 cards.